did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
