Umm I'm too high to move.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
