you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
only you would photoshop your dick
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
