he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
