just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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