she sounds like chewbacca in bed
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
