the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
