You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
