Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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