She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
