Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
