apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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