I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
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There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
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Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?