first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
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You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.