i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh