once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES