What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
