I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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