Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
