Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
