This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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