he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Damn victory sex feels great
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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