I puked a lego.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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