Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
