Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just threw up on my dentist
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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