now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Success! We fucked roommates!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
