I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
