I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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