Too much gin, very little bucket
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
