i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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