TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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