it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
