Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
