Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
