Apparently you make a good broom.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
