i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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