i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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