I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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