Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
