The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
