Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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