Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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