So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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