I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
