I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
