My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
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