apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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