Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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