somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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