Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
