I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
