You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
