OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
