I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize