put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
