I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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