vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
