I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
