But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
