you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
COCAINE IS GR8
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