Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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