you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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