and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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