fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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