Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
