Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
