you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
