Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
