Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My liver just had a heart attack.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
