dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
