You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
