they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
