Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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