Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So apparently I’m into choking now
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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