Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
