i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
